Documentary
DUALITY:
LIVING WITH
BIPOLAR
DUALITY IS A FOUR YEAR SERIES FOLLOWING THE DAILY LIFE OF KYLIE, A YOUNG WOMAN STRUGGLING WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER.
BY PROVIDING A RAW, UNFILTERED GLIMPSE INTO THE HIGHS, LOWS, AND EVERDAY ROUTINES OF KYLIE'S LIFE, THIS SERIES AIMS TO BREAK DOWN STEREOTYPES REGARDING MENTAL ILLNESS. BY SHOWING THE MUNDANE IN TANDEM WITH TRIUMPHS AND TRIBULATIONS, THIS SERIES CREATES A THREAD OF RELATABILITY ILLUSTRATING THAT AT OUR CORE WE ARE ALL JUST HUMAN.
IN HER OWN WORDS
Being bipolar affects every aspect of my life. My moods constantly hurdle up and down every day, sometimes minute to minute, going from manic to depressive. Most days it’s very manageable but others I obsess over ways to hurt myself and all I want is to be unconscious because it’s torture to be awake. I cry so intensely that it makes me weak and strained to the point where I can’t even talk let alone perform in daily life.
On the other side of the spectrum, I can feel completely elated and productive. In a severely manic episode, I have been told I sound like “a schizophrenic on acid” because I get high off of extremely hyper feelings. I begin to sound incoherent because I talk a million miles a minute, jumping from one subject to the next. I have lost friends, partners, and jobs due to my erratic behavior. I’ve dropped classes multiple times because I couldn’t function.
Not only does this disease affect me mentally but physically as well. Getting enough sleep, food, and water are very important. I’ve been to the hospital more than once because I’ve lost control of my legs and was unable to walk because of dehydration. I’ve thrown up and become immobile because I won’t eat all day. I tend to neglect myself because I simply don’t care but some days I nourish and take care of myself.
I’ve been going to a psychiatrist along with therapy since I was fifteen trying to treat my mental illness. For years I was thrown antidepressant after antidepressant with no improvement. When I turned twenty I was diagnosed with bipolar and later PTSD. Upon getting a new diagnosis my meds were changed accordingly and I finally noticed a change. I have been on countless medications and currently, I’m prescribed six.I take a mood stabilizer twice daily, two antidepressants at night, a stimulant, Xanax, and a sleeping pill as needed.
My meds are still being changed around until we find the perfect combination, which will take years. What I’ve learned along the way is that the choices you make every day- getting out of bed, feeding yourself, and participating in life regardless of how much you might not want to, are just as important as taking medications and attending therapy. I hope someday it’ll get easier but in the meantime, I will get better at dealing with it.